Just Thinking Out Loud

What will become of us…


I just masterbated with another dude via a chatroulette-like site.

What will become of us? What is this really all about? Is the life in Christ at a snail’s pace, or am I missing something?

Am I supposed to care so much about my failings? Should I view these moments even like that? 

Once upon a time I had a thought that God actually celebrates with us when we fail? Why? Because He sees the end game; He sees your victory further down the road, and now you’re just X amount of falls away from success. But it doesn’t feel that way. 

Should I feel shame? Should I have regret or remorse? But wait, isn’t Satan the accuser of the brethren? Am I not agreeing with him as I contemplate these wonderings?

Once upon another time, I told a group of kids in a youth group to look to Christ always. Stop looking at what you did and start looking to what Jesus did.

How should we respond to sin? I think that’s what I’m ultimately asking.

My greatest aim is to get past this, but how? I did, once upon yet another time, but I’m not over this hurtle at present. But maybe that’s the problem–maybe my attention shouldn’t be here. Or should it?

You see what I mean? I don’t know the proper response to this. I don’t, and it’s an endless dog-chasing-tale circumstance–a catch 22, as they say. (Why is it called that?) I want to understand why I keep falling and how to move on, but then I’m not sure if I should be wondering about this to begin with. So I’m no steps forward and two steps back.

Sins a bitch. I’m confused.